By Spence Blazak
The power of rock and roll is nothing compared to the power of writing an essay on the manipulation of confusion as a stepping stone to narrative ambiguity by Francois Truffaut in his historic French New Wave film Don't Shoot the Piano Player. Thats why this took a month to write. Girls Suck So We're Gay Now has had a pretty beautiful month (excluding our 3 week hiatus), and I'll recap.
After our well received first gig, we do a similar gig the next night and add the song "Adam's Song" to our repertoire. The kids love it! At the end of the gig:
Me: "Way to go Mettler 1! You're the craziest place in the whole damn world!"
Someone doing their homework in the lounge: "Fuck off"
We then sit down and begin cracking away at writing our song "Michael Buble," which is about that beautiful moment in every boy's life when they make out with a girl and don't say one word to do so. I won't spoil too much, but its awesome and yes, we actually wrote it. All we need to do is record the vocals and get the MILLIONS OF DOLLARS from iTunes.
After practicing for 5 minutes, we get yelled at for being loud after quiet hours. Nick and I then go back to my room and quietly watch four episodes of How I Met Your Mother.
The first blog post about the band has been posted for a few hours at this point and I decide to ask my readers a question: since I am still friends on Facebook with 6 of the 10 girls that inspired our future song titles, which one of them will delete me first? That question answered itself before long. I suppose the inspiration for "You Peed in My Bed and Its My Fault" will never hear the beautiful song about her…..
I then am inspired for another song named "I Shaved My Chest for You and then You Banged Five Dudes When I Was Sick."
Now is the big leagues. We find out about a student coffee house night. I pack up a setlist, a posse of fans, my imagination, Nick, and a silly hat. We set out as mortals, but will return as gods. We get there and have to wait for two acts before us. The first act is a man with a deep, burly voice reading an original poem about the sexuality of trees. I'll just let you figure out for yourself what he thought of bark. Then two gay guys performed a song. I immediately get terrified to say our band's name and offend everyone until I remember something……….
YOLO (You only live once, for our non college age readers)
Nick is busy tuning his untunable guitar, and i have to stall, so I do what anyone would do in that situation…….bad standup directed at the hot drunken blonde girl in the front row.
Just as I have gone on for too long and am about to be removed from the stage so someone else can go, Nick arrives and we begin. As he begins playing the opening notes of "I Miss You," I realize the girl from before is staring at my crotch. Note to self: use crotch stuff next time. Then we begin.
We run away and skip all the way back down College Avenue to our dorm. SO THIS IS HOW CAESAR FELT!!!!!!!!!! The adrenaline pumps through us for the rest of the night at the party we go to.
Top 3 pick up lines of the night:
Me: "Man, its nice to let some steam off after working hard IN MY BAND"
Me, wearing cat whiskers: "Hey I don't have many human friends, since I'm half cat, could you help me out?"
Me: "This is my friend, he did shrooms today!"
Every one of those girls had a boyfriend.
The next few days we enter our video of the performance into a talent show and are forced to change the band's name to "#NBD". Yeah. We sold out. BUT THE PRIZE WAS FIFTY BUCKS! We aren't made of stone!
We lost.
As we are editing the video, we realize that a few minutes in, a girl yells "can I sleep with you?" Nick and I high five and do a lap around Mettler. As we look at it again to make sure we heard correctly….we didn't. "Can I sing with you?" We are heartbroken and vow to never tell a soul of the incident……...
Nick then comes up with the idea of getting someone to form another pop punk band just so we can have an absurd rivalry with them. Brilliant. He also has the idea that he breaks off from the band and makes a side project, but I just join him anyway, so we are two different bands at once. Osome.
All in all, it looks like the world is a very bright place for Girls Suck So We're Gay Now. Except for all those girls with boyfriends……DAMN!
