Paul Giamatti: America’s Best Leading Man

-------------This is a revised version of my article that will be appearing in the February 2, 2012 edition of The Daily Targum. Enjoy!

By Spence Blazak

When the debate about Hollywood's best leading man comes about, names like DiCaprio, Depp, and Damon are frequently tossed around. While all of these actors are at the top of their profession, there is one actor who has proved time and time again that he just might have no peer. That man is Ashton Kutcher.

I’m totally kidding. It’s Paul Giamatti.

Some people say that there is no way to measure actors up against each other, but, quite frankly, those people are dead wrong. I propose an end-all-be-all scale to judge the full scope of an actor's prowess that consists of the following abilities: to perform in comedy as well as drama, to have a career that can survive being in a kid's movie, to play both supporting and starring roles, to have a wide array of "flawless performances," and to be able to act well in an awful movie. Giamatti gets a perfect 10 in every one of these categories, while Philip Seymour Hoffman and George Clooney fall just short…in Clooney’s case, its because of Spy Kids and Ocean’s Thirteen. Sweet. Merciful. Crap.

Firstly, the majority of Giamatti characters feature swells of emotion with accessible tenderness one second and perfectly timed comedic relief the next. His two best full blown comedy roles are as the villain in Shoot Em Up who simultaneously hunts Clive Owen and tries to salvage his marriage, and his guest appearance as a socially inept TV editor clad in a John Tavares Islanders jersey on 30 Rock. When his role asks him to, Giamatti is always the funniest man on the screen.

Another important part of a well-rounded career is being able to swallow one's pride and take a supporting role every now and again. The movies The Illusionist and Cinderella Man are pretty good, but without the glue of Giamtti's performances holding them together, they would have just been dismal. Russel Crowe playing someone who hits people and Ed Norton playing someone trying not to be sad for the thousandth freaking time can only carry a movie so far.

The next step is to be able to be in a movie as bad as Lady In Water and still hold your head high. As silly as the movie was, Giamatti never once makes a fool of himself. The same goes with kids movies like Fred Claus and Big Fat Liar. In the former, he played a Santa Claus so well that any kid in America would have let him into their house. On second thought, maybe that’s not a good thing….

Finally, every great actor gets at least one “role of a life time” part, but Giamatti has had four. A man at the brink in Sideways, a cynical comic book artist in American Splendor, a Founding Father in HBO’s John Adams, and a neurotic TV producer with decades of girl trouble in Barney’s Version. He shows a range that not many other actors posses and loses himself in roles like a Brando or an Olivier.

If Giamatti retired from acting today he would still be his generation’s best actor, and his body of work is filled with uncountable hours of gems (literally, uncountable…John Adams is almost seven hours long). And one last thing of note...he gave one of the best award acceptance speeches of all time at the Golden Globes last year for Best Actor in a Comedy for Barney's Version. He was belligerently drunk, got to the mic and started out by just saying "fuck!" before proceeding to talk about how much he loved the free Godiva chocolates at the table. That was his whole speech. BUT ANYWAY...Almost every performance from the Giamatti vault is worth checking out for a fan of cinema, acting, or disgruntled bearded men!

The Best 90's One Hit Wonder

By Spence Blazak

There is a seemingly never ending smorgasbord of musical genres: country, alterna-pop, sex- metal-punk (smunk), and the most important of all, 90's one hit wonders. This is a genre that includes some of humanities greatest travesties that have defined a generation along with Rachel's haircut on Friends and Whoopie Goldberg's wit on Hollywood Squares. These songs include "I'm Too Sexy", "Make Em Say Ugh," and the always subtle "I Touch Myself."

The good news is that these rotten apples don't ruin the whole bushel of a great genre. There are also songs that show the beauty the 90's offered. A simple time of Furbies, dial tone modems, and Dilbert comic strips that were groundbreaking. Beautiful one-ders like "Lovefool," "Jump," and "What Is Love" showed all the good in the world. But just what is the best song of the genre? I'll tell you.

"The Way" by Fastball

Not "Baby Got Back" or that song by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch, no, my pick is for this little gem. Let me explain. I completely forgot about this song until a month ago. Its one of those songs that defined your spring of 1998, then disappeared off the face of the earth. It was completely absent from VH1's "Best 90's One-ders" list and took a disappointing number 94 on their "top 100 songs of the 90's" list.

The song is about a true legend. A couple went on a trip through the desert, and their car broke down. Instead of staying in their car and flagging someone down, they decided to walk to civilization. Or did they just walk into the middle of the desert on purpose? Instead of turning out like that episode of Spongebob where Squidward and the titular sponge deliver pizza and get lost in the wilderness, they died of heat exhaustion. It was a minor news story for a weekend, then was soon forgotten (much like the song the story inspired).

The song has everything. A simple chord progression, a certain mythos surrounding it, a catchy bridge, a lame little guitar solo, and the message that death is a big fun party!

"Everyone could see the road that they walk on was paved in gold

Its always summer, they'll never get cold

They'll never get hungry, they'll never get old and gray"

Its about forgone youth, the pride and glory surrounding recklessness, and living it up. Besides, with a name like "Fastball," how could you say no?

My Application For the Head Coaching Position of the Oakland Raiders

To Whom It May Concern,

I am throwing my name into the race for the recently vacated head coaching position of the Oakland Raiders football organization. My reputation may not precede me which is why I will showcase my aptness for the job through my answers to the following questions.

1.What experience do you have in the game of football?

-Simple. A kid in my Residence Hall thought that I was a linebacker for the college football team. Granted, I did find out that he did a few lines of blow right before he mentioned this to me, but that is beside the point. Also, I was the General Manager/Coach/Play caller for the internet sensation Wookiees of the Rutgers Intramural Flag Football Association. Yes, we did score a touchdown this one time. Also, I have coached the Giants to a 5 year undefeated streak in the video game Madden 2008.

2. What relationship do you have with the city of Oakland?

-Well, funny you should ask that. First off, I saw and read Moneyball…………….uh………………

3. What could you bring to the team?

-Fire all the Oakland dancers and hire the Laker Girls. I have the money. Next, we beg/hold Andy Dalton hostage for our draft picks back from the Bengals that we gave them for Carson Palmer. It is ESSENTIAL that we don't actually give them Carson Palmer back. After that is another important step in my plan. Since no one actually knows what Darren McFadden looks like, we will trade JaMarcus "Worst Of All Time" (W.O.A.T) Russell and put him in a McFadden jersey. No one will know the difference. Heck, we can still get Nnamdi Asomugha back from the Eagles by taking him out to dinner in downtown Oakland and pretending he was "gunned down." We give them Demarcus Van Dyke in return, give Nnamdi a new name, and then laugh all the way to the Superbowl!

4. What would your legacy as head coach be?

-"Spence Blazak: The man who changed the decrepit Oakland Raiders into the majestic 'Cokeland Spences' and who sacrificed a calf to the football gods."

I'll expect my check and "Cokeland" hat in the mail by Monday. Send it by owl if you have to.

Sincerely,

S. Blazak

Wookiee Wednesday's Best Movies of 2011 List

By Spence Blazak

HONORABLE MENTIONS

15. Kung Fu Panda 2

14. Captain America

-Most superhero movies are complete and utter shit. Here we have well developed characters who aren't just something out of a comic, enjoyably campy performances, Nazis getting beaten up, and the best propaganda war song since "You're a Grand Ole Flag."

13. War Horse

12. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2

11. Moneyball

-Spectacular story and script that is riveting from start to finish, but Brad Pitt shouldn't be a serious consideration for Best Actor here….he just worked out, acted sassy, and gave himself and South Western accent. Heck, I did the same thing when I saw Tim McGraw in concert! WHERES MY OSCAR?!?!?! But really…..very good movie…..

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10. The Artist

-A silent film star must learn to cope in a world that has moved onto talking pictures. The performances from the male and female leads are more than Oscar worthy, and the movie is worth seeing for them alone. Sadly, I feel like overall, it is a little bit empty. I don't feel like they had enough going for it to be a full length movie because several scenes drag and feel like filler. A silent movie is undoubtedly a difficult thing to pull off, and everyone who made it deserves kudos, but I just don't feel that it is the cinematic godsend that the media has made it out to be. It is charming and enjoyable throughout, but its short comings hold it back from a higher spot on the list.

9. The Descendants

-I would have no objections if George Clooney gets the Oscar for his performance here. The test of a great "every man" performance is whether or not you can be convincing as an "every man" even though you won the "Sexiest Man Alive" award for the better part of the 90's. Clooney plays a man dealing with the repercussions of his wife getting into a boat crash and being put into a coma, including finding out that she was having an affair when the accident happened. The problem with the movie is that, as with The Artist, I feel like I was missing something that everyone in the media seemed to see. Was it a good movie? Yeah of course, but it didn't really have a big pay off. By no means should it be considered the best movie of the year, but it should definitely be considered of the year's better ones.

8.. 50/50

-A movie as much filled with hysteria and heartbreak as it is with humor and hope. Melancholy abounds, and the movie is one of the most honest I've ever seen. Joseph Gordon-Levitt outdoes anything else he has ever done in his performance as the young man diagnosed with cancer. The movie is centered on two things: his character going through the 5 stages of grief (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance) and the power that the humor and support of his best friend, played Seth Rogen, hold.

7. Midnight in Paris

-Director/Writer Woody Allen reminds everyone that not only is he still alive, but that he can still make a damn good movie. A fairy tale for weirdos who took AP English and Art History in high school and who are spending their winter break teaching themselves French (not that…I'm doing that or anything….). Owen Wilson plays a man who found a way to get to 1920's Paris, the place he has always wanted to be. A commentary on whether or not a person can really be "born too late" and the importance that the universal importance of everything, Allen's latest endeavor is masterful cinema.

6. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

-A journalist is hired to help solve a cold case murder from 40 years prior. His eventual assistant is the titular girl with the dragon tattoo, an Aspergers afflicted, brilliant hacker. A thriller that deserves to stand among the best of the genre, Girl remains complex but never confusing enough to lose its viewer. Just about as terrifying and unsettling as a movie can be. In a good way!

5. Tree of Life

-Every year has one: an absurdly pretentious movie about the meaning of life and existence. Yet this one works. The film is sandwiched between sequences of the Big Bang and the Earth being enveloped by an exploding sun at the end of the universe, and depicts a man (Sean Penn) coming to terms with…well, everything. It is the anniversary of his brother's death, and the majority of the film takes place with the camera as his mind's eye. He flashes back to his childhood, where his father (Brad Pitt) rules over him and his brothers with an iron fist, and when something catastrophic happens, the film jumps to 10,000,000 BC where dinosaurs wander around a creek or to a family of jellyfish dancing in the ocean. The film concentrates on images and the balance between living of life by way of grace and one of nature. As well shot as any movie you'll ever see, Terrence Mallick paints a masterpiece from beginning to end. And Brad Pitt gives my favorite performance of the year.

4. Arthur Christmas

-The curse nepotism, the importance of faith, and a supporting cast of characters that are both heroic and villainous make for a Christmas movie that trump all of its predecessors through its trailblazing everything. With each passing year it becomes harder and harder to be original (especially in the realm of a holiday movie), and when something not only is innovative but also as heartwarming as a video of a child in school being surprised by their soldier dad giving them an unexpected visit visit, it is worth taking notice.

3. Win Win

-Paul Giamatti (my pick for the best leading man in Hollywood today) plays a lawyer moonlighting as the coach of the local high school wrestling team. Tight on money, he decides to swindle one of his elderly clients by telling the courts he will be his caretaker, when he has really just hoisted him off onto a retirement home. One day, the man's grandson shows up on the old man's doorstep. Giamatti takes care of the boy, and soon realizes he is one of the best wrestlers in the country. A slice of nirvana captured on film. Humor that is worthy of a guffaw, drama that gingerly stays away from being dubbed "melo-dramatic," and a quick and clever script that is treated masterfully by the talented cast, Win Win is the most underrated movie of the year. Look for it. The cover is yellow and green.

2. Drive

-The bad ass action movie that redefines both action and badass. Ryan Goesling (or as I like to call him, Da Goz) is a stunt driver who also works as a getaway man. Think of the plot as what The Transporter could have been….if it wasn't just a contrived piece of shit. The car chases are the best I've seen in recent memory, and the film sets itself up to have lots of predictable cliches, only to make a hairpin turn and take you into another direction. Also, Da Goz is on screen for the majority of the movie, but only has about 15 lines and yet he still manages to rivet you to the screen. AND he kills a guy in an elevator with his boot. Expect an Oscar nod for Albert Brooks (Marlin from Finding Nemo) as the evil mob boss.

1. Hugo

-One of the best movies I've ever seen. Period. A little orphan boy lives in the walls of a Paris train station after WWI working as the station's clock tuner as well as a petty thief. The first movie in years (and possibly the only one) by Martin Scorcesse that doesn't have the word "fuck" in it, Hugo is a children's movie for kids that have a full beard, are 6' 5'', and wear a size 15 Ugg boot. My cold cold heart was melted right away by the relentless charms that emanates from the screen from start to close. Perfect performances, direction, cinematography, CGI, suspense, mystery, heartbreak, hope, and beauty, Hugo is my hands down pick for the best motion picture of 2011.