How to Master America's Dirtiest Job: Movie Trailer Making

By Spence Blazak

Movie trailers: simultaneously the bane and the joy of my meager existence. People get paid millions of dollars to destroy movies, put them into a blender, and somehow make you want to see them. Their job is thankless. If they do a great job, what do they get? A pat on the back and a Golden Trailer award. Yeah. Its a real thing. And about as prestigious as the MTV Movie Award for Best Kiss. The good news for us is that they have their job down to an art. I think I speak for all movie goers when I say that trailers have become a sarcastically beautiful and enjoyable experience for these following reasons:

-Less is more

Let me break the fourth wall for a second. This is the only serious reason I will give…..forgive me. A trailer maker has two possible options for roads to travel down to arrive at a good trailer. If he wants a seriously good one, he just has to keep it simple. Leave them wanting more is the golden rule of standup comedy, snogging, and trailering. A perfect example of this is The Social Network . It doesn't give anything away, it has a great song, and then it ends. Its Citizen Kane meets Facebook, which is all you really need to know. A delightful trailer all around. The other path that a trailer can take to be good is to use add in a few of these next four steps, resulting in a masterpiece for hecklers like myself.

-That cool badass part

This can be seen in nearly every summer blockbuster movie. There is some steamy dialogue between the two leads, a dramatic line or two from the ridiculous villain, then a montage of kind of cool action sequences UNTIL…..the part. You know what it is. The shots are all very short then one that is longer comes on. The music usually sounds like "CH-CH-WUMP" 6x. Some of my favorites that I can remember are:

Clash of the Titans

Matrix Reloaded: 1:07

Rise of the Planet of the Apes 1:41

Kung Fu Panda

-Ruining all the funny parts of movies

Most fans of comedies know that most comedies aren't funny. This trick that trailermakers have is on the same level of villainy as giving teenagers heroin for free their first time, then charging them a markup once they get addicted. No. Its even worse than that. I have one example for this and one only. Epic Movie. The only example that is needed. At the time of its release, I was young, naive, and thought Scary Movie 3 was a funny movie. This was one of the darkest times in my life. The trailer had me laughing, it had actors I liked, a few of the Scary Movie writers, and I liked going to movies as often as I could no matter what was showing. I don't remember much after I got to theater, because I went into a comatose like state after the fourth joke about the Olsen twins. I've never seen a worse movie. Props to the trailer man for that one though. Finding anything funny in that movie was a Herculean task. I won't give you a link to this trailer because I care about your mental well being. You're welcome.

-A line that is randomly yelled

"OH MAN! THAT MOVIE LOOKS SSSSSO GNARLY! *repetition of the bas ass quote from the trailer*" This is not an uncommon bit of dialogue from the mouth of a bro after he has seen a good trailer that has mastered "the yell". It is very similar to "that one really bad ass part" which was discussed a few paragraphs ago. Trailer dialogue is simple. It is meant to keep a flat line for the majority of a preview before it escalates to a level that will grab you with a hook. Sometimes, the hook will be a line revealing a surprise semi-twist to the plot. Those suck. The BEST kind of hook is an irrelevant line that is suddenly shouted, often getting the effect of a frightened/flabbergasted/sold audience.

How Do You Know?- Can't find the clip, so I'll do you one better….describing it. Paul Rudd calls Jack Nicholson and says "Dad, I think I'm in love!" Jacko responds with a quick "Oh good……THERE IS A GOD!" His voice is so outlandish that it sounds like he is doing an impression of himself.

Leon the Professional 1:45

Robin Hood 2:03 (Can't get a shot of the guy yelling it, but the line is still hilarious)

300

Thor

The Notebook 1:44

-Matt Damon

21st century America's best pretty boy-generic movie star (backhanded compliment of the week). I'll level with you, Matt Damon is a guilty pleasure of mine. For awhile, I was convinced that I was the only person keeping him a movie star. I won't reveal the shocking statistic of how many of the last ten Matt Damon movies I've seen in theaters. Alright you've got me….nine. I used to not know what it was about him that I liked because I fully realize that Paul Giamatti is the real best leading man in Hollywood (I will defend my case in a future article), but then I watched the trailer for Hereafter and realized what it was: his delivery. In every Matt Damon trailer known to man, there is a part where he goes from being chill TO AN OVER EXAGGERATED EMOTION. Sometimes it is a line of dialogue, sometimes it is him yelling at a child, sometimes its a silly accent, and sometimes its all three! I'll give you some of the best examples I can think of. If you only go to one group of links in this whole article, make sure its these.

Hereafter 1:05: I can't find the other trailer where they use another shot where he yells the line and looks like he is going to hit the kid.....but trust me, he does

Adjustment Bureau 2:01

The Fighter: 1:59-Yeah, I know its Mark Wahlberg, but he is the honorary Matt Damon, so I'll count this one

True Grit 1:12

The Departed: I couldn't find it in the trailer, but it damn well should have been. An hour into the movie, the police force is discussing a murder victim. Cut to Matt Damon, who says "What was his name, *zooms into face* the departed?"

Contagion:53:THE BEST ONE