The Best Valentine's Day Love Song. Ever.

By Spence Blazak

"Beautiful Boy" by John Lennon : Have no fear, take my hand, life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans

"La Vie En Rose" by Edith Piaf: Hold me close and hold me fast, this magic spell you cast, is la vie en rose

"Silly Love Songs" by Wings: I. Love. You.

"Enchanted" by Taylor Swift : This night is flawless, don't you let it go. I'm wonder struck, blushing all the way home. Ill spend forever wondering if you knew I was enchanted to meet you.

"Kokomo" by the Beach Boys: Bodies in the sand, tropical drink melting in your hand. We'll be falling in love to the rhythm of a steel drum band.

Only one of these love songs is the greatest love song of all time. I've picked the most romantic lines from them all, and I think you all know which song it is. But I'll get to that in a minute. The perfect love song needs a few different things: a funny part that is said louder than all the others, a catchy chorus that can be easily impersonated when drunk, and it must be so romantic that you forget you are spending your Valentines Day alone with your friend Nick watching The Notebook and Kung Fu Panda 2. The song I've picked does just that. And then some.

"Kokomo." One listen and you'll be brought back. Brought back to that time you fell in love for the first time. Before you found out about that whole "unrequited" part. Brought back to the time you went on a cruise to St. John, met a beautiful girl in the ocean, and shared an everlasting kiss. Before you realized she was a mermaid and went back to lead her people. Brought back. Period. The secret to time travel is to hear the tale of the place that you get to fast……..and then take it slow. I mean really, thats where you want to go.

Way down to Kokomo.

Believe it or not, Kokomo is not a real place. I would know. I checked the map, looking for all the geographical clues hidden in the song. If you look "off the Florida Keys," there is nothing but Cubans clinging to pool toys as they try to escape their country. Or maybe they too are looking for Kokomo. The world may never know.

Yes, it is sad that if you want to get somewhere fast, and then take it slow, you will have to look elsewhere, and yet, it is also brilliant. Kokomo is an allegory for human want! A microcosm of fantasy! THE EPITOME OF THE ETERNAL PINING OF THE HUMAN SOUL! What do you want? More than anything? I already know. A royal triptych of afternoon delight, cocktails, and moonlit nights! The prophet Mike Love summed up the driving force of humanity in a mere 3 minutes and 32 seconds. Michelangelo tried to do that when he painted the Sistine Chapel ceiling, and he didn't even come close. Plus, it took him way more than 3 and a half minutes.

In closing, I leave you with this. When Mike Love meets St. Peter at the Pearly Gates of Heaven, the interaction will go something like this:

St. Peter: "Mother Theresa? Yeah…..fine…..go in….. Guy who cured lupus? Whatever. Just hurry up and get your ass in there……….Mike Love? *kisses Love on the lips* Oh! Oh my! It looks like I've been given…….a tropical contact high! *opening gate* Welcome to Kokomo!"