Superbowl XLVI Commercial Wrap Up

By Brian Long

Ah, the Super Bowl. Very few sporting events carry the same weight as this particular night in February when it seems like the whole world is watching. Hell, most people give up on the Olympics after the first two nights, so the nationwide attention that the Super Bowl grabs is pretty remarkable. This makes it primetime for one thing: advertising.

As someone who watched all four seasons of Mad Men over the course of a month, I feel that I’m perfectly qualified to tell all of you which ads were good, bad, and which ones are gonna get you fired if you keep turning in work like this. So, grab a scotch, light up, and make a misogynistic remark to your secretary as we breakdown the Super Bowl Ads

1. M&M’s: Okay, no joke, this was probably my favorite of the night, but not for the reason you may be thinking (the REALLY GREAT LMFAO song). Growing up, it always bothered me that there was no brown M&M cartoon character. I spent years researching all kinds of candy conspiracy related theories, I found out some truly disturbing things about the fate of the 4^th musketeer, and now that there is one I feel…strangely empty.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dKziaeq5fSo&feature=related

2. Volkswagen: This commercial is just another example of Hollywood fetishizing an unrealistic body image onto dogs. Side note: I’m make shoehorned Star Wars joke more often than Bothans die for information, but Darth Vader in the cantina would be like Obama being in a dive bar in Detroit, if Obama was a fascist cyborg with asthma. It doesn’t make any sense. Speaking of lame nerd stuff only I care about…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-9EYFJ4Clo

3. Audi: Hey, stupid, vampires can only be killed by natural sunlight. Oh, this commercial was directed by the guy who did The Thing remake? Well, that explains everything. Speaking of my nerd rage…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=lw9ZeXB2uKs

4. Phantom Menace in 3D: Don’t show me clips from the Star Wars movies that I wanna see in theatres, but won’t get to until I’m almost 30. This’ll get funny again, I promise.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKyUlbLWfbY

5. Pepsi Max: This commercial was filmed in Elton John’s actual house. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rcf01QTcO6E&feature=relmfu

6. Pepsi Max 2: I don’t have anything snarky to say, except that this from the director of Space Jam. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=FKe6nyORbrM

7. GoDaddy.com: Okay everyone, let me tell you now, IT’S NOT PORN. NOTHING ON THIS WEBSITE IS PORN. There. I just saved you from hours of disappointment.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZ2lXGK5juY

8. Doritos: Why is Doritio’s mission statement to make chips that appeal to sociopaths? All of these commercials involve either children or pets being horribly injured or outright killed…that is some EXTREME CHEDDAR!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=STb6ZSo5CPw

9. KIA: So, the Sandman is a tiny Randy Johnson?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=lHZbXvts0LE

10. Telefora: …wow…um…oh….uh…is she talking about…wow…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWrJgFjxlS0

11. I miss Cameron.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=VhkDdayA4iA

12. Chrysler: Chrysler, I get what you’re trying to do here but saying it is “halftime in America” suggests that this country has a finite time period remaining. That’s depressing. Can you at least tell us how many timeouts we have remaining?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_PE5V4Uzobc