By Spence Blazak
I have a character I've been working on. I call him "movie guy that no one likes." This guy has a miserable existence. When the professor in his film course asks the class if anyone is familiar with the varying use of color patterns in the films of Wong Kar Wai, he raises his hand and is shot a thousand dirty looks. When he plays Scene-It, he only makes it through one question before accidentally calling someone "a fucking idiot" for thinking CLINT EASTWOOD directed A River Runs Through It (Robert Redford…..c'mon), no one wants to play with him anymore. He watches Spanish movies alone. The happiest time of his year is Oscar season, because indie art house movies become popular for a brief period of time, and he might get the chance to actually talk to someone about them! Gasp! He is a sad individual. Now, as this completely fictional character, I will showcase a few of the different Oscar categories, snubs, and make my picks!
Best Screenplay Original
On the side of original screenplay, it is between Woody Allen for Midnight in Paris and Michael Hazanivicus for The Artist. While a dark horse might be J.C. Chandor for Margin Call, because everyone in Hollywood goes coo-koo for Wall Street movies, I think the prize will and should rightly go to Allen. While I may be biased towards the man who made some of the movies that inspired me to get my now trademark horn rimmed glasses, he also showed Hollywood that he has still got it. Also, when the Academy is scared that an older, beloved celebrity is going to die soon, they like to give them the award. No lie. And besides, The Artist had about as much depth as my French skills! I only know how to say colors and "Where are the suitcases?" HEYOOOOOOO.
Should win and will win: Midnight in Paris
Best line of the script: "Well I do like champaaaagne"-Owen Wilson
Best Screenplay Adapted
The lack of any themes in Ides of March besides "being unfaithful is bad AND politics are….corrupt" renders it nothing more than a place holder in the category, but the rest of the nominees have a fighting chance. The Descendants has a healthy dose of charm, real world comedy, George Clooney finally crying on film, and character development that makes sense and avoids cliche. Hugo mastered the art of child like innocence in a way not seen since Babe, but you know….Hollywood is stupid so sadly, it won't win. Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy is apparently very script centered and intricate, so that means its almost certainly too smart for Hollywood. My pick for the much deserved winner though is Aaron Sorkin for Moneyball. He won the award last year, and this year he adapted a book that features a 50 page span on mathematic equations and theory, and he wrote a sports movie for people who don't know the difference between a balk and a golden sombrero! AM I RIGHT?!?!?!
Should win and will win: Moneyball
Best line of the script: "Who's Fabio?"-Some old guy
Best Supporting Actor
I'll be honest….I've only seen Jonah Hill in Moneyball for this category. So I'll just talk snubs. Firstly, Seth Rogen in 50/50 was better than Hill. Aside from him, some of my favorite supporting performances of the year were Andy Serkis for Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Alan Rickman for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2, Usher in Justin Bieber: Never Say Never 3D, The Dog in The Artist, The Beaver in The Beaver, and that funny guy with the mustache who played Bella's dad in Breaking Dawn. Without a doubt two of the best performances of the year were Albert Brooks in Drive and Brad Pitt in Tree of Life. God knows why Pitt has a Moneyball nomination and not one for this. He gives the best work of his career. Period. As for Brooks, he is a lovable, terrifying, charming, and cold hearted mob boss that is a far cry from his funny Twitter persona.
Will win: Christopher Plummer Beginners
Should win: Brad Pitt Tree of Life
Best Supporting Actress
I've got nothing....Berenice Bejo in The Artist was absolutely phenomenal and earns a spot on the very exclusive "List of Women Spence Finds Almost as Attractive as Taylor Swift." Bejo and Dujardin were so good that they made everyone forget that The Artist has 45 minutes where not one thing happens. I only saw a few minutes of The Help but Octavia Spencer will almost certainly win. Besides….she has won every single other major award for the category. As far as Melissa McCarthy in Bridesmades….I'm still bitter about how awful the date was that I saw it on. I abstain from judging her performance….
WIll win: Octavia Spencer The Help
Should win: Berenice Bejo The Artist
Best Actress
Glen Close as a man in Albert Nobbs? Give me a break. Tape down my breasts, holla at me with some funereal makeup and I'll get a freaking Oscar nod too…..I didn't actually see this. Meryl Streep as Margaret Thatcher in The Iron Lady? Please. They gave her funny teeth, an accent, and dementia. Do you know who else Hollywood did that too? MR ED. (yet again, I didn't actually see this). Out of what I've seen and heard, it looks like Viola Davis for The Help is the best bet to win. The Academy loves her because she got a nod for her 5 minute performance in Doubt, and she already won the SAG award for her performance (which is voted for by, you guessed it, the same actors that vote for the Oscars). Out of everything I saw this year, the best performance hands down was Rooney Mara as the titular Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. She got her nips pierced for the role, has a more terrifying gaze than either of the two rapist villains, and you still love her to death. KA-CHOW!
Will win: Viola Davis The Help
Should win: Rooney Mara The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Best Actor
The contest is between George Clooney and Jean Dujardin. They have both been splitting awards all year, but recently the buzz has been swaying in favor of Dujardin, especially with his impressive SAG award win. The award could really sway either way. A fresh mustached face or a seasoned veteran could both just as easily be taking home the golden man. Clooney gave a performance that topped his previous career definer (a corporate ax man in Up in the Air), but Dujardin carried an entire movie without talking AND he didn't even really use that much slapstick. Two phenomenal performances but:
Should and will win: Jean Dujardin The Artist
Best Director
Ah, Best Director. My favorite category and I'll tell you why. Almost every year, the director who wins the award from the Directors Guild of America takes home the Oscar. Yet, every five or so years there is an exception. Michael Hazanavicus for The Artist won the DGA prize, but I'm going to go out on a limb and pick Martin Scorsesse for a few reasons. He did a much better all around job, got excellent performances from the ensemble cast rather than just from the stars, crafted beautiful scenes and shots, and made one of the best movies I've ever seen. Plus Hugo got 11 nominations, so this isn't too crazy of a stretch. Also, Terrence Malik deserves the Award for Tree of Life because he crafted a strikingly beautiful movie that is the only movie around that can be compared to 2001: A Space Odyssey.
Will win: Martin Scorsese Hugo
Should win: Scorsese or also Malik for Tree of Life
Best Picture
I always try to make it a point every year to see all of the nominees before the big night and last year was my first time accomplishing this. It was a lot of effort….so I doubt I'll do it again anytime soon. I missed the second half of The Help, and Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close just looks like a real bummer. so we're at 7 1/2 out of 9. It looks like the main competition is between The Artist, Hugo, and The Descendants. Heck. The Artist will win. Thats it and thats it. Hopefully Hugo, the far superior movie, will come through in the clutch, but it looks like a high quality movie is no match for a mediocre one with a gimmick. As far as snubs go, I have no idea why they decided to go to 9 nominees from the usual 10 instead of just adding in Drive, which was better than almost every movie this year. I blame the Mole People.
Will win: The Artist
Should win: Hugo
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