By Brian Long
It’s a new day at Degrassi, and in the words of Sav: “Who’s psyched for a fly new DJ to dish out ear candy?!” According to what Nacho Girl is saying at the beginning of the episode, Dave wants the job pretty bad. Also, I’m pretty sure nacho girl is putting the moves on Dave. But uh-oh Adam wants the gig as well. I SMELL A SEXUAL ORIENTATION RELATED CONFLICT. Sav decides they should DJ battle on air. Oh good idea, Sav. There’s nothing that could possibly go wrong with “mano-a-mano” battle with the transgender kid. Nope. Nothing could possibly happen there. You’d think the kids in at Degrassi would realize when they’re walking into potentially disasterous “life learning” moments.
Meanwhile, Fiona is joining the drama club, which is taught by that one English teacher lady. How many classes does this woman teach? I thought NJ Education budget cuts were bad. She apparently teaches: English, Drama, Some kind of sewing classes that specializes in LARPing outfits, I think she did autoshop in one episode? I also officially hate Imogen: “I rhymed so it must be true!” I want her dead. Don’t forget, Fiona’s brother won “The Grundy”- still the most inappropriate sounding high school drama award ever. She also hits some snags with her scooter loving friend Charlie. Dang, Charlie is a playah.
Claire meets She-J. Jonah Jameson who runs The Syrupy Ice Skates, which is what I assume is the name of the Degrassi High newspaper (no, I’m not above cheap Canada jokes). She gets assigned an article about how to get over a break-up, which Claire apparently wrote a 4,000 page manifesto on.
Adam’s acting during his and Dave’s “banter” is horribly awkward here. This is just…oy. Also, Does every club at Degrassi get their own t-shirt? But their first broadcast got a hundred emails! 89 of which were spam! Cop dad is proud. Aw.
We now go to the fast paced newsroom of Degrassi’s paper. One of the note cards on She-J. Jonah Jameson’s board: PHOTOS OF SPIDER-MAN! KC-hero or menace? She-JJJ hates Claire’s article, but Claire says she doesn’t “get the students". JJJ reacts pretty reasonably- “You’re telling me that I don’t know what students want?!? I been printin’ this rag since you were poopin’ your diaper!” The Nutty Editor thinks Claire is a ticking problem bomb. Her nickname at Degrassi? TNT- Cause she KNOW DRAMA!
Meanwhile, Dave says offensively offensive things live on the air which gets him in some hot Canadian water. He is somehow hated more by the student population than that kid who actually threw Adam through a glass door last year.
What I really wanna know- is nacho girl the daughter of the craft services guy or something? How does she keep appearing? Did the other nerds have the week off of shooting? And whichever hairdresser toned down Zane’s Super Saiyan hair should be FIRED. Dave’s brilliant plan to get back on the air is to dress himself and the nerds up as girls and storm into the girl’s room. Has Cop-Dad thought about getting him tested for some kind of learning disability…cause this kid really doesn’t get it. Dave looks like Doc Brown in his drag outfit.
Claire is hitting crazy ex-lover levels of nutty over this newspaper thing. We also learn that She-J. Jonah Jameson eats but ONE CHIP A DAY; she is also an emotionless freak as her reaction to Claire crying is “what are the wet drops falling from your eye holes?” She-JJJ is also apparently the GREATEST STUDENT IN DEGRASSI HISTORY…and we’ve never heard of her. But Claire makes in onto the staff! Proving if you whine a lot you’ll get what you want. But at what cost?!? SHE MUST NOW FOLLOW ELI AROUND AND STUFF
Anyway after Adam totally plays the race card, Dave realizes the error of his ways and hijacks the radio. Simpson makes it to the radio station door so fast that I question if he has secret passages around the school.
And just when it seems like Fiona won’t ever fit in at Degrassi, no way no how, a Deus-Ex-Eli drops in out of the sky whining about the drama club’s idea for a reality show play; “A PPPLAAAYYY ABOUT A TV SHOOOOOOW?”- said Eli, wearing his most dramatic of scarves. Fiona decides to become the director of Eli’s play which will no doubt lead to scenes of him sounding like an insufferable English Literature studies grad student. Oh, and Fiona invites Charlie to move in with her. I think she’s trying to destroy her life at this point (Note From Spence: She needs to get that pig back. And it needs to talk).
ABSURD-O-TRON
-Bro-rock acoustic jam cover of Degrassi theme song that plays over the end credit. 6.5/10
-Someone created the Immogen character and thought it was a good idea. 14/10
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