With the release of Cars 2, Pixar finally proves that not all of its droppings are solid gold. The good news is, now we probably will actually pay attention to “Best Animated Picture” at the Oscars this year. Oh, who are we kidding, nobody cares. However, it gives us the chance to discuss the best and worst that these incredible minds have given the silver screen over the years. Spence and Brian go head-to-head to determine just what is the WORST Pixar movie ever made?
Brian: Alright, debate time. Let's start with worst:
The worst Pixar film would have to be Cars. Now, I haven't seen the sequel (and from what I hear, I'm missing a grrrreeeeaaaatttttt mmmmmooooooovvvvviiiiiiieeeeeee) so I can only consider the original to be the worst. I was most disappointed by this film because the previous Pixar films were such strong character driven films. Hell, the film that came before Cars was The Incredibles which still holds up as one of the studio's strongest outings.
What made those previous films great were unique characters and storylines that gave us a new perspective on the mundane world such as the class warfare of bugs, the existential mortality crisis of toys, and showing us the world from the point of view of the monsters in our closet. In Cars we get car puns...lots and lots of car puns. Oh, and Larry the Cable Guy.
Spence: Pixar is great because of their unexpected brillance. In the olden days, Pixar would always open up their latest movie with a trailer for their next movie. EVERY SINGLE ONE left me skeptical. Partly because I'm the kind of guy who looks at the glass half full....but half full of poison. And yet, every single time they would come out with a nearly perfect film. I think that’s what makes them so good, how I always expect the worst and get the best.
Brian: I expected the worst from the first time I saw the Cars promo. That close-up of Larry the Cable Guy's (I refuse to call the character by its actual name. It's just Larry the Cable Guy) stupid face shouting "DANG GUM" made me wake up in the middle of the night in a fop sweat. I also think the story is something that has been done to death. Guy is jerk. Guy learns from average Joes and becomes a not jerk.
Spence: Ya know, the message isn’t bad, what’s wrong with showing what to really appreciate in life? I’m trying here. Now as for Cars, it’s not very good, but I have to be Devil's advocate. After seeing Cars 2, it puts it into perspective. There are funny jokes (The gas station being called "Dinoco" is hilarious, I don't care who you are), Owen Wilson's voice is very funny, and.....it tries. Hard. Cars isn't bad. It just isn’t as good as its predecessors. Imagine the Manning Family. Archie is like Toy Story. Trailblazer who paved the way for future Manning quarterbacks. Peyton is Toy Story 2/ Monsters Inc. Number one overall at the draft, damn near perfect, won his Super Bowl, future hall of famer, but still has trouble getting a supporting cast on his team (his only major flaw). Imagine wide receiver Pierre Garcon's weekly dropped passes like.....Jesse in Toy Story 2. Not Peyton's fault, but it still counts as an incompletion. It’s really the only bad part of an otherwise perfect work. Eli is The Incredibles. Doesn't have the heart of those before him, but he was still a number one overall draft pick, has a statue at Ole Miss, and won the greatest Superbowl of all time (biased Giants fan). Cars is like that last Manning. I don’t even know its name. It’s young. It hasn’t won a Super Bowl. And it just isn’t the same as the rest of its family. I mean, I bet he is still a nice guy and will be a good lawyer or something but ya know.... he just isn’t Eli. This is Cars biggest problem. That it isn’t its older brothers.
Brian: First, Dinoco is a shout out to the gas station that Andy leaves Buzz and Woody at in the first Toy Story, so its strongest gag is just a reference to another (better) movie. I think it's deeper than "it's just not as good as its predecessors." And going back to the point I was making earlier, what makes their movies great is new perspectives of mundane things. Toy Story made me regret throwing out toys and A Bug's Life made me feel awful for ever stepping on an ant. Cars is like a Dreamwork's movie where the only reason they have for things talking that don't normally talk is because kids find that funny.
Spence: Yeah. It’s not great. But the story isn’t that simplistic. It gets at least a little credit. I can have at least a little respect for the homage to all of the towns and people left in the dust when Route 66 became obsolete. Pixar just tried to be too allegorical by hammering this story into a mold that would fit a large audience by making these citizens cars...
Alright. I'll level here. I don't particularly like Cars, but I don’t think its Pixar's worst which is the real question at hand here. If you want something one -dimensional with sophomorically juvenile "humor" and "jokes" that are beaten so far into the ground they become an unrecognizable pulp of their former selves by film's end. That’s right. Finding Nemo.
Brian: Oh boy. Everyone is mad at you right now. No one is on your side.
Spence: So basically, Finding Nemo is that kid in 3rd grade that had ADHD, didn’t have any interests except yelling the word "wiener", and wore the same moth eaten Jets shirt every day. They have convinced themselves that they are the class clown. Everyone hangs out with them and sort of likes them, only because subconsciously they feel bad. So they laugh at the repeated jokes (No. Not running jokes. Running jokes have a purpose.), constant whining, and lack of real friendship.
Think about it, people. What does Finding Nemo have? whats it ever given you? It’s like the nachos at Taco Bell. Worst thing on the menu, and it isn’t filling, but it’s still technically Taco Bell. Don’t be afraid to call out Finding Nemo for what it is...A TRAP. If you think Cars doesn't have depth, please look at Finding Nemo. Talking fish #1's wife and kids die. He becomes protective of the one left. It gets lost cuz he is overprotective. He looks for it, finds it, learns to let go. Legitimately nothing happens. Talking fish #1 just swims in a boring blue canvas for 2 hours with the occasional cut away to.....A FISH TANK! HOT DOG!
As for the humor specifically, it is generally what holds the Pixar films together and it is unbelievably weak AND sophomoric. Yes. I hate it that much that I used the word sophomoric several times already in my argument. Reason the comedy is horrible #1. There are several stupid fart jokes. Birds farting? ha. #2. The script is cat shit. It tries too hard to rely on the "the actors are funny, so whatever they say will be a laugh riot!" principle, but it only works with a few of the actors in the movie. Geoffrey Rush, Albert Brooks, and Willem Dafoe are work well with what they have BUT THERE ARE OVER 25 PEOPLE IN IT!!!! It is a sad day when the talent of Brad Garrett is squandered. And to finish out my argument: reason #3 Dory. Worse than Mater, Jessie, and the Great Chicago Fire. She only has 7 lines, and repeats them throughout the film in that obnoxiously irritating voice of her. Much like the broken Kermit the Frog Doll I had as a child who would yell at me in the middle of the night with a loud "HI HO." And she brings nothing to the table other than "awwww she is stupid, but she is innocent so talking fish #1 should feel bad he yelled at her for being annoying". This isn’t even coherent any more. I’m just being reminded of my hatred for this movie and Dory in general.
Brian: Nothing will ever be worse than Larry the Cable Guy, though I suppose Ellen Degeneres (sp?) is Mr. Cable Guy’s liberal left counterpoint. I would say that you're missing the forest for the trees here, Spence. There is a great story of how we can allow our responsibilities to take over our lives and sometimes we just need to let things happen. I wish there had been a kid’s movie like that when I was younger, maybe I wouldn't have been so terrified to die. The film is almost Zen-like in its life philosophy.
Spence: Of course it’s a good undertone, but it executes it awkwardly and unoriginally. Cars has a good moral too. Talking fish #1 doesn’t have any interesting character development. It’s just boring. He doesn’t trust anyone, he starts to trust Dory, she breaks his trust, he goes back to the way he was, he trusts her again, they meet a pelican, he starts letting Nemo go after they think he is dead. It’s cliché. They don’t do anything special with it. It’s just another story. They could have something to make it superb, but they ruined that by having Dory, a bad script, AND NOTHING REALLY HAPPENS. And really, Brian is it that funny? Yeah, yeah, yeah, the pelican is funny, the Albert brooks humor is good, the seagulls are funny the first time.....but really…is it that funny?
Brian: Clearly nothing will change your mind. And I'm sure those of you at home are thinking "if you're so great and handsome why don't you rewrite these movies?
My rewrite of Cars: None of the original characters are in it except for George Carlin's VW bus character who spends the entire movie having flashbacks from some "bad gas" he had back in the 60's. Psychedelic hijinks ensue.
Spence: Finding Nemo rewrite: The ocean explodes
Tune in next week as we argue which Pixar film is the best! BLOOD WILL BE SPILLED.
First of all, this argument was incredibly entertaining.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I agree with both of you on one plane. But Spencer...how could you not like Finding Nemo? I mean really? Really?! The large plot is cliche perhaps, but the smaller stories within are great and represent that how much we believe that our problems should be the focus of everyone's life, the world is much bigger than just us. It helps put things in perspective. And perhaps, this is me looking to desperately defend one of my favorite Pixar movies, so sue me. And Dory...just...it's Dory.
In any case...fun debate boys! =)