by Spence Blazak
Let’s start with the title: "Dirt Off Your Shoulder"? I miss the good ole day when episodes were named after 80's songs. "Hungry Like the Wolf" will always be one of the best.
Eli's pimp cane strut should be edited into a dance with "Sexual Healing" by Marvin Gaye playing in the background. VIRAL SENSATION. Too bad he has WRITER’S BLOCK! Eli has called his play a "rumination on the human condition" twice in the first 5 minutes.......isn't a ruminant a cow?
Shrek the gay quarterback (Riley)'s Greek mother is Canada's Tommy Wiseau. And she’s totally setting him up with a chick. Somehow, he’s oblivious.
KC and Jenna are dealing with the glamorous life of teenage parenthood. Why is it that I don't find KC's sexy dialogue to be believable when he is holding a baby, his main squeeze has no makeup on while is wearing a towel that clashes with her skin, and the baby looks like it pooped itself?
And since when did Adam's stupid radio show become the new "Good Morning, Vietnam"? HOWARD STERN, STAND BACK! But most importantly…THE RETURN OF HOLLY J'S FAT ASIAN BOSS
Riley’s fake date is a hoot, by the way: "I used to bring boyfriends over as study buddies. They'd come to my house, go to my room, ya know...then we'd get the chocolate syrup out and study." I added in that last part, but what else would she have said?
I’m beginning to question if Little Miss Steaks is the only business in town? And is the irony of the name of this place combined with the fact that they hired a kid who knocked up his girlfriend? Anyone? Anyone? But now we have Aerosol (or whatever) a new love interest for KC?!?!?!?!?!?!??! Cuz everyone knows the greatest turn on of all for a girl: a poopy baby child!
Eli’s dad Bullfrog deserves a "World's Number 1 Dad" mug. Especially since he has to put up with this Tim Burton-esque moping. Eli’s line "Does this face look like I'm joking?" reminds me of Squidward when he says that he doesn't like Krabby Patties. You know the one.
Is it weird that I find that girl who stalks Eli to be really hot? Don't answer that. And did I really just see an ad to rate the hotness of Degrassi couples online?!?!?!?! WHERE'S THE LINE?
Zane and Riley are working out and discussing how to make the kids of Degrassi less fat. Ugh. 2 minutes in and they have said the phrase "hetero-fantasies". No snarky comment, just an observation. Zane says: "I......I feel like a dirty secret." Cue: "Dirty Little Secret" by All- American Rejects
I had to pause it because I was laughing so hard at this last exchange:
Aerosal: Hey KC, ready for work tonight? Everyone is getting laid! I mean.....like the Hawaiin flowers.....uh, I'll cya there.
Dave: (walks up to KC) WOAH!!!! IS LITTLE MISS STEAKS HIRING!?!?!?!?! Just saying, I could use a good Hawaiin necklace! MMMMMM.
I have fabricated 0% of this.
Man, Riley's Dad is the man at this uncomfortable dinner. Dropping watches that cost “stacks” left and right!
"Can I go home now?"-Eli. Identically mirrors the Spongebob line from "Pre-Hibernation Week" where the fish holds up a cereal box and says "Look! I found Squarebob, can I go home now?"
ONLY 9 MINUTES IN AND THE FAT ASIAN BOSS IS IN A HAWAIIN LEI! CHRISTMAS CAME EARLY FOR SPENCE BLAZAK! But yeah, way to go KC...tell your main squeeze about the girl who is flirting with you at work. You gonna mention that you like her donk too?
Eli is yelling at Imogen (the name to which I respond "YA MEAN LIKE COWBOYS AND INGENS!?!") to back off because she is stalking him. Very dissapointed that he didn't say "YOU BETTER CHECK YOURSELF, BEFORE YOU WRECK YOURSELF" (Note from Brian: I’m hoping that the reason Imogen knows so much is that the writers have finally gone meta and she is actually a viewer of the show who has ended up inside the series. Or a fictional character who has attained awareness of her fictional existence.) Eli is emoting way too much....he needs his pills back before I get annoyed.
Now I'm annoyed.
But Zane and Riley broke up (:() KC continues to be the worst dad since Darth Vader (>:()) and Eli decides to make his play about how much Claire sucks (there’s no emoticon for HYSTERICAL)
ABSURD-O-TRON
-Holly J's Fat Asian Boss's outfit for Hawaii night: 6/10
-Eli acting like Daffy Duck in the last scene of the episode: 9/10
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