By Spence Blazak
Our setting, a club. Canada eminem ripoff is playing. The camera pans over to an uncomfortable Anya in mixed company. Aw sweet hell, the music starts pulsing! Its about to get real! THEY SAY THE WORD COKE! Peer pressure! Careful Anya! This is what D.A.R.E Officer Mike warned about! noooooooo
Scruff Mcgruff is gonna kick her coked up ass. Anya stands up to do a slo-mo dance. This is shot for shot identical to the club scene in Black Swan. It also kind of looks like this. CUT TO PEPPY THEME SONG!!!!
Fiona's robe makes her look like Barney, or lesbian Hugh Heffner, or Tinky Winky, or the Mystery Machine. For those of you who haven't been religously following the show, Fiona has a crush on a girl named Charlie who is now living with her...go figure. It sparks golden little tidbits of conversation like this one:
C:"I volunteer at a homeless shelter!"
F:"With.....Homeless people!?!?!?"
And the cat is named Mr. Tuxedo Pants.....i smell a love affair.
"Woah you look like crap!" Anya's boyfriend to Anya, who responds, "I'VE JUST SNORTED A KILO OF COCAINE, I'M SORRY I DON'T LOOK LIKE A FUCKING RAINBOW." This is going to be a good one.
Aspergers kid and the kid with a fro have a philosophical conversation about women, in which they refer to breasts as "chestial areas". Everyone knows that the politically correct slang name is "gozangas." And Aspergers kid is back to his old ways of underwear stealing. When he didn't get caught after the first 4 episodes, I thought they'd pull a great Degrasshole play and just never address it again. Instead, he is back for one last big job...the beach volleyball fundraiser!!!!!!!!!!
And after years of wondering, THE J IN HOLLY J IS FOR JEANETTE!!!!! My speculations of it being Joker, Jay, and Jafar have been put to rest.
Anya is using a computer with a pear on the back....as in, not an apple. How cute. They do the same thing on iCarly.....I mean, or so I've heard.....
Drinking game: Take a shot everytime they say Mr. Tuxedo Pants.....and i think Fiona has arm herpes.
Nope, just bedbugs.
It gets funnier everytime how Aspergers kid looks like a muppet /Cousin Skeeter.
This cat is a FUCKING SCENE STEALER
Fiona accuses Charlie of bringing in the bed bugs because she was homeless. Charlie gets offended. I don't know.....seems like being a bug infestation scapegoat comes with the territory of living under a bridge....but thats just me.
Boring
Bianca's advice to Anya in the bathroom "Your bf's not a friend, HJ is not a friend, cocaine is your only friend."
DAY 2
Did she dump out ashes in her locket to make room for coke?
Holly J is reading Malcolm Gladwell?!?!?! HOW TOPICAL!
I love how Holly J brings up her Yale acceptance constantly and lords it over EVERYONE. No wonder Declan left her! Am I right, folks!?!
Aaaaaand Anya is milking the fact that her mom had cancer for her college interview. No wonder I thought her and Holly J were the same character for a year!
The lingerie bandito has finally been caught. Ah, there you go Aspergers Kid. Cry about being caught. That will help your case.
Aspergers Kid:"I'm about to boldly go where no man has gone before." Does he mean panty raiding therapy?
I just realized that Charlie looks like Oliver Platt. Ha.
Anya has been denied from college. Good thing theres coke for that! Anya's mom, "Its okay for you to not go to college. Wait! Why are you going out! I thought we would plan what you wanted to do about your life!!!!!" Direct quote.
It doesn't make sense that Charlie is moving out solely because Fiona is a recovering alcoholic. She is acting like she has the ebola virus and never told her. Farewell Mr. Tuxedo Pants. I'll always remember you as you were. Thats Degrassi!
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