By Spence Blazak
DAY 1
Jenna and KC's relationship with their baby changed from kind of strained in the last episode to putting up the baby for adoption, not living together any more, and KC being sadder than wet cat. That went from a 3 to a 10 very quickly. Imagine me saying this next line in my Rodney Dangerfield voice, "The baby is named Tyson, and with the amount of abuse that kid has taken, THEY SHOULD BE CALLING HIM IRON MIKE! AM I RIGHT?! Good night everybody!"
Eli rewrote half of his play so that he can work Jake into the ending. Everything Eli writes about becomes a reality. Stupid Eli, why doesn't he make the last line "and then Eli went home and found a big box of gold and he bought a dinosaur with it! END!" He is squandering his talents.
This just in: ANYA IS A HOT, COKED UP MESS. Degrass has taught me a lot of things, including the newest lesson: all the best coke dealers are named Annette and deal out of Hondas in front of high schools.
I'm suspecting a subplot that has been hiding under our noses….Jake's awful hairdo gets worse and worse with each episode BECAUSE IT IS TAKING OVER HIS BODY! Today, Jake. Tomorrow, the Canadian province of Regina!!!!!Gold
The number one dead give away that the season will end with Eli killing someone is that he carries his backpack over one shoulder. Don't ask me why, but it just sends up warning signals.
Eli and Frumpy's interview:
Frumpy: "So tell me about working so closely with your leading lady Imogen"
Eli: *click here*
"Lay off the blow, who says you can't?" Is that Bianca or Dr. Drew Pinsky?!?!?! AM I RIGHT?!?! No really, is that Bianca? Haven't seen her since she boffed that gang leader in exchange for Jacoby's life!
Eli dances the hibbity dibbity with Imogen into the credits. Can't wait for day 2.
DAY 2
Starts off with a classic Degrassi ploy….Imogen mentions her and Eli's night last night when they "made out for like an hour". Good grief. First of all, this is unrealistic. I've "made out for like an hour" once in my life. It was 3 in the morning and I was on a hard wood floor watching Easy A. The stars need to align for it to happen, and Eli's clearly did not. The writers screwed the pooch on that one.
Anya joins the Army. This is turning into the plot of the Bill Murray movie Stripes. I'm hoping Mo plays Ox, the John Candy part.
Eli is going to plant drugs in Jake's locker. He entrusts Imogen to do it, who plants them in *gasp* Claire's locker out of vengence!!!!!! AHHHHHHH! SCANDALLLLLLLLLL!…….this is just stupid.
KC finally chooses between a life as Mister Mom and a life as Like Mike.
Anya fails the drug test for the Army. I guess she was so high that she forgot she was high, DOOOOOOOD! Her mom then discovers the necklace that she keeps the coke in and the resulting scene is a lot like this. (specifically 2:02)
Eli has lost his mind in the middle of the play. Art becomes life becomes art becomes life becomes art!!!!!!!! AH!!!!! An existential crisis finally strikes Degrassi like the plague! He goes off on a stupid monologue that breaks the 4th wall, then burns the script……..everyone loves it! I can't believe how silly this is. I also enjoyed the cutaway to Simpson when Eli took out the lighter. He looked like a dog with peanut butter on the roof of its mouth.
Post-game coverage: Bullfrog says he enjoyed the "yucks" in the play. Then Eli says he will start taking his meds. What an eventful night!
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