Kiiiiddddnnneeeeyyyysss?
Oh man, great first half of the week for Degrassi. There’s a brand new dance but I don’t know its name: it’s Degrassi fashion show time. Holly J is preparing for a big fashion show thing at or maybe she is holding drill practice for her Female Fascists Furies of Canada. She-JJJ is there and she continues to act like a robot. Holly J decides that she’s going to have to show everyone how to work because she’s the goon squad and she’s coming to town! Okay, I’ll stop the Bowie references now. While she’s strutting her stuff Holly J hurts her leg and goes down. Side note: I love how the promo edited Holly J hurting her leg to look like she straight up died. She’s not dead though, she has EXTREME DEHYDRATION! Holly J’s kidney problems have gotten worse, which is probably because Holly J had like a million symptoms of possibly dying and yet she did nothing. Good. Great. Good and great. Thank God she lives in HEALTHY CANADA!
Let me preface this next part of the recap by saying I actually like the character of Adam Torres. Maybe it’s because he is perpetually getting kicked around in the show while that jerk-off KC gets to just do whatever he wants and work at a steakhouse. God. I hate that guy. Anyway, it’s seems as if She-JJJ may have the hots for Adam. And if she breaks his heart I WILL BURN DOWN CANADA.
We find out in tonight’s episode that Immogen is auditioning for Eli’s play (by the way, the poster for the play is Eli's head photoshopped as a heart but it's crooked so one half of his skull looks like a bulbous tumor) as “Clara” who is totally not supposed to be Claire…that’d be silly. But Immogen is like that kid in your first grade class who always talked about his lunch and had to leave for half an hour a day to sit in that tiny class. Except she grew up…and turned into Canadian Juno. In order to get into character, Immogen is going full on Daniel Day Lewis by copying Claire in the lunchroom. I think the Canadian public schools really failed Immogen in not putting her in a special school…or by heavily medicating her.
Holly J finds out that she needs to get a kidney transplant, but no one in her direct family is the proper blood type. The doctor also sounded super happy about the fact that none of Holly J’s relatives had the right blood type. But he mom is pretty reassuring: “We’ll broaden our blood search: Aunts, uncles, cousins, the homeless!” But Holly J thinks it’s odd that no one in her family is the right blood type. I hope that Holly J was just willed into existence by her parents. Or made out of clay. She starts probing around and starts to realize all sorts of crazy differences between herself and her parents: “how about the fact that my dad is a male…and I’m a female?!?” My original theory was that Holly J’s mom is JT who didn’t actually die, but got a sex change after the attempt on his life to disguise himself, unfortunately, she was just adopted. But Holly J manages to track down her birth parents, and by Fiona’s math that means: “two new birth parents equals four possible kidneys. You could have, like, eleven kidneys!” So Holly J decides to track down her birth parents…and murder them. No? Alright, we’ll do it your way, writers.
Immogen does a disturbingly accurate Claire impression for the play audition which features this line of dialogue: “YOU’RE TEARING ME APART CLARA!” Really, Eli? We’re stealing from Tommy Wiseau now? And of course Eli makes the terrible mistake of actually casting this nut job in his play. Immogen will cut off his skin and wear it by the end of the season, I promise.
Holly J gets in touch with her birth mom and they decide to meet at The Dot after school. Man, how many important Degrassi events have occurred at the Dot? Is there nowhere else in Canada? Of course, Holly J doesn’t recognize her mom at first because she’s sitting with the kids she actually wanted. Holly J decides to not ask a single mom for a kidney, but Fiona has a look on her face that looks like she’s going to drug that woman and steal her kidney. The doctor tells Holly J not to give up hope, right after he told her that she should probably defer from going to Yale because of all the dialysis she’s going to need. So yeah, don’t give up hope, even though all your dreams are crushed becase…you know, hope!
Geez, I feel like I’m watching a horror/thriller every time Immogen is on screen. It’s like Canadian Single White Female. Anyway, Immogen gives Claire a coupon to Canada’s greatest stake house Little Miss Steaks so she can take Buck McHandsome, er, I mean Jake out to dinner. Of course she tries to ruin everything because she’s just so delightfully nutty by dragging Eli to Little Miss Steaks so he can see Claire on a date. Good thinking Immogen, this will totally get him to like you because he’s never shown any suicidal tendencies in the past. Ah. Wait. Not good. When he sees them together, Eli realizes he’s not over Claire and hires Jake to build sets for the play because, and I quote from Eli: “as the warrior poet Sun Tzu said: keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” Seriously, does his head ever come out from his own ass for air? The kid is gonna suffocate.
Holly J man’s up and tells her birth mom that she needs a kidney and she agrees to help. She gets tested and she’s a compatible donor! So everything is great and happy and all it’ll cost Holly J is 20,000 dollars. Yep. Her mom just asked her for 20,000 Canadian dollars for her organ. This better be some prime kidney.
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