By: Brian Long
This week we get the long awaited (by me anyway) She-J. Jonah Jameson (Katie) spotlight episode. In fact, she’s running for class president against mine and Spence’s new favorite character: MO THE FAT GUY! Apparently Aerosal Can and She-JJJ are best friends (they high five in the theme song! So much history!) and Aerosal is just skankin’ through Degrassi. Well, with Fiona out of the picture someone’s gotta pick up the hoochy slack, right? She explains how she’s got the hots for Drew, the village idiot. But as we saw last episode, he’s gonna follow She-JJJ around like the pathetic puppy dog he is; hijacks will undoubtedly ensue.
Eli is in therapy and watching a way too well filmed video of his school play. Ever seen a video of a school play? It’s always filmed from the back of the auditorium and the sound is just garbage. Canada is truly a magical place. Eli decides he needs to apologize to everybody he’s hurt and he plans to start with Fiona. He gives her a fake trophy that reads “best supporting actress” naturally she forgives him, because nothing says “I’m sorry” like a fake trophy you can get made for ten bucks at one of those little league stores. It also helps that Fiona is more material than a Michael’s Crafts Store
Meanwhile, in storyline 87, Ms. Oh just made Sav a mix CD which according to Mo “is this generation’s code for ‘let’s get it on.’” Does this guy write for Wookiee Wednesday? I don’t know if we can continue writing these columns if the characters are just going to make the jokes for us. In order to “help him out with his music” Ms. Oh sits in on Sav’s jam session. Apparently she has also written music before. Her song is all about forbidden love. She might as well have been singing “make-out with me Sav/Oh yeah/Let’s make out Sav/Like right now.” And then they make out.
Because She-JJJ is dating Drew, Merosal Can goes the route of most politicians and runs for class president purely out of spite. She spends the whole day campaigning saying things like: “The school needs a leader people can trust. Someone who would cause teenage parents to give up their baby for adoption. You know, someone with integrity.” That might be paraphrasing. More importantly we find out Mo’s full name: MO MASHCORE! THAT’S THE GREATEST NAME EVER! Merosal Can tells She-JJJ she hopes her “problem” doesn’t come up again. It’s obviously going to turn out to be an eating disorder, but since we’ve got about 15 minutes in this episode they’re going to keep calling it “the problem.” Oy.
Eli’s next person to apologize to is Jake. They’re in a class together Jake finally gets to fulfill his dream of building a full size model of a sweat lodge. Dreams do come true. Eli swindles his way into becoming his partner and Conveniently, Eli sees Claire and Jake fighting and decides to help Jake with his relationship problems. Also, he’s joining the rugby team. Good. Great. Good and great. What clubs doesn’t Degrassi have? They have rugby AND tae kwon doe!
During the presidential debate Merosal Can makes vague promises, and crowd servicing platitudes in her speech. So, she’ll probably win the election. Mo’s campaign promises: Bring back French fries, won’t make out with your boyfriend! MO! MO! MO! But the big twist comes from Merosal announcing to everyone that She-JJJ is bulimic which leads to Drew delivering the weirdest ending to an episode ever: “It’d be pathetic to have an eating disorder! And you’re so not pathetic so there’s no way you do! Now, anger problems, that’s something that’s totally not lame, because it involves punching people. HUGS!” It was the after school special equivalent of this.
What I learned from the second of these two episodes, is that Canadians have no tolerance for eating disorders. The entire school acts like She-JJJ just peed all over their favorite childhood toy.
Fiona poses the question to Eli: “Who should I vote for: the liar, the home wrecker, or this guy I’ve never seen before.” That pretty much sums up how I feel during every episode of Degrassi. Eli hatches a plan to force Jake and Claire to make up. Apparently, Jake’s mad at Claire because she…wants to go to a movie…that’s not his thing…well, that was lame. So Eli locks them both in the sweat lodge until they work things out. Wait. Trapped in the sweat lodge until they work things out? Now Degrassi is stealing plot points from the classic Native American sitcom “Who’s the Chief?”
Merosal feels bad for being a lying liar and almost as reprehensible as KC so she tells everyone before the election that she made the whole bulima thing up. Which is all well and good but She-JJJ wants MANDATORY SPORTS?!? What kind of fascist regime is this? Jesus. And of course She-JJJ wins the election. I was hoping she would split the vote with Merosal leading Mo F. Mashcore to victory. There’s always next season.
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